"If it shakes you in the right places, then it's God's gift"- Steven on Rock N' Roll
"To be creative you gotta be a child. You gotta be true to the crib."
"My get up and go has not got up and went."
"Remember in this world, if you wanna get ahead, you gotta learn to give a little."
"Men are too busy talking about how big there dicks are. If men bled, tampons would be free."
"Keep your nose to the grindstone. It sharpens your boogers."
"The mind is like a parachute, it only works if it's open."
"I want to be spread out on a beach so even when I'm dead I can get into girls' pants."
"We go to the gym earliy in the morning and eat a lot of poontang. Right Joe?" (When asked by Howard Stern how he stays so thin)
"I love every bone in a woman's body, especially mine."
"Younger bands are into jerking off and we're into fucking. That's all there is to it!"
"Pervert? Could that possibly be me?"
"Mary had a little sheep
With this sheep she went to sleep.
The sheep turned out to be a ram
Mary had a little lamb."
"There once was a young man from Kent,
With a dick so long that it bent,
To save him some trouble,
He put it in double
And instead of coming he went."
"Q: What's the difference between pink and purple?
A: Your grip."
-Said to Joan Rivers on Oscar night (This flew completely over her head).
"Would you change your policy towards Cuba if you knew 'embargo' spelled backwards was 'O, grab me?"- When asked what he would ask if he were grilling the 2000 Presidential Candidates
"Sex, drugs, and rock n' roll! Take out the drugs and there's a lot more room for the other two!"
"I have always said I would rather grow up being wrong than being right in someone else's eyes."
"My three favorite ingredients: curry, almond extract and vulva nectar."
"If you take a risk, two things will happen. People will laugh at you. Or you'll be way ahead of everybody else."
"Confuscious says that crowded elevators smell differently to midgets!!"
"When I let the kid out, he stays out. That's why I'm in rock n' roll."
(Steven's advice for parents) "Teach your children well and hope they have good sense."
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